Loves: Defined In the Bible

• Text: Song of Solomon 1:2–4, 8:7 
• Topic(s): Eros, Marriage, Christ the Bridegroom 
• Big Idea of the Message: The physical, sensual, and spiritual intimacy that a husband and wife experience within marriage is the same love with which Christ loves the church.
• Application Point: Determine how the physical, sensual, and spiritual intimacy of marriage translates to the church’s relationship with Christ.

Sermon Ideas and Talking Points:

1. Eros is the Greek word used to describe the physical attraction that occurs between two people. In ancient Greek mythology, Eros was the son of Aphrodite, the goddess of love. The Romans called Eros Cupid. One of the most interesting things about the word “eros” is that it does not appear in the New Testament; rather, it appears predominantly within the Greek translation of the Song of Solomon in the Old Testament (Heather Riggleman, “What Is the Meaning and Significance of Eros (God’s Love) in the Bible?,” Christianity.com, December 2, 2019, https://www.christianity.com/wiki/christian-terms/what-is-the-meaning-andsignificance-of-eros-gods-love-in-the-bible.html).

2. Chuck Swindoll writes, “The original Hebrew version of the book took its title from the book’s first two words, shiyr hashiyrim, usually translated as ‘the song of songs.’ This latter title remained in Greek and Latin Bible translations in later centuries. The repetition of the word song indicates that the writer considered this ‘the greatest of all songs.’ We find a similar construction in other famous biblical phrases: Lord of Lords, King of Kings, and Holy of Holies, to name a few” (Chuck Swindoll, “Song of Solomon,” Insight for Living, https://www.insight.org/resources/bible/the-wisdom-books/song-of-solomon).

3. Getting to the root of eros in the Bible can be tricky, particularly because in modern times the words erotic and erotica have made eros itself seem vulgar and un-Christian; we have connected the word to the idea of frenzied and unchecked physical passion (Riggleman, “Eros”). But within Song of Solomon, we see something different. As Pope Benedict XVI wrote, “God is the absolute and ultimate source of all being; but … is at the same time a lover with all the passion of true love. Eros is thus supremely ennobled, yet at the same time, it is so purified as to become one with agape. We can thus see how the reception of the Song of Songs in the canon of sacred Scripture was soon explained by the idea that these love songs ultimately describe God’s relation to man and man’s relation to God. Thus the Song of Songs became, both in Christian and Jewish literature, a source of mystical knowledge and experience, an expression of the essence of biblical faith: that man can indeed enter into union with God” (Pope Benedict XVI, Deus Caritas est 1.10, December 25, 2005, http://www.vatican.va/content/benedict-xvi/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_benxvi_enc_20051225_deus-caritas-est.html).

4. It is clear that the Song of Solomon is meant to portray a beautiful vision of love with multiple layers of meaning. One layer is the most obvious: it’s a love poem about a man and woman falling in love, marrying, and consummating their marriage. The other layer is that allegorically the Song of Solomon has been seen as a metaphor of God’s love for the children of Israel and Christ’s love for the church (Swindoll, “Song of Solomon”).

5. Eros, while not specifically named in the New Testament, is alluded to in several ways. Jack Zavada notes a few examples: in 1 Corinthians 7:8–9, Paul says that it’s better for the unmarried or widowed to remain single unless they cannot exercise self-control—in which case, they should marry. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” These two Bible passages are only two of several within the New Testament, which talks about where eros belongs: between a husband and wife (Jack Zavada, “The 4 Types of Love in the Bible,” Gary Miller Ministries, November 3, 2018, https://garymillerministries.com/blogs/2018/11/3/the-4-types-of-love-in-the-bible).

6. The HBO miniseries John Adams beautifully portrays the well-rounded love of Adams and his wife, Abigail. Rebecca Florence Miller writes, The Adamses did suffer dry spells, but, on the whole, their attitude toward one another was one of passionate devotion. Their letters to one another are addressed to ‘My dearest friend.’ They write with a deeply devoted romantic affection. They can hardly bear to be apart, despite the necessity of such separations. In one memorable scene, Abigail is finally reunited with John after a long absence, and the couple retreat privately and tenderly makes love. This scene is striking because it is not filmed in a gratuitous way, but with enormous intimacy and longing. It is striking because it is not the normal Hollywood hot and heavy love scene, but the quiet knowing of a husband and wife long devoted to each other. It is a love that ‘hopes all things, endures all things, believes all things.’ It is a love that brings such oneness between the couple that when it ends, Abigail confesses to the neglect she has felt, challenges John to do better, and decides not to withhold her love despite his imperfections. There is a reason the Bible refers to sexual relations in this way: ‘He knew his wife.’ It is a euphemism, but a truism. True sexual relations mean that a man and woman come as close to each other as humanly possible. Making love is not only physical but spiritual and emotional as well. It isn’t air-brushed; it’s real” (Rebecca Florence Miller, “4 Things HBO’s John Adams Taught Me about Marriage” [blog], July 28, 2014, https://rebeccaflorencemiller.wordpress.com/2014/07/28/4-things-hbos-johnadams-taught-me-about-marriage/).

7. After tracing the relationship of Jim and Pam (The Office) from the earliest romantic attraction, to finally getting together, to the struggles of young married life, Amanda Wortham concludes, “What saved Jim and Pam wasn’t a picnic on the roof, a prank on Dwight, or even marriage counseling. What saved them was a quiet fidelity to ordinary responsibilities, the good old basics of relationship building: Eye contact. Clear communication. Thoughtfulness. The resurrection of romance is not in the feelings or the grand gestures; it’s in the ordinary faithfulness of everyday life. It’s in loving your person, taking care of your shared progeny, and making small, tedious decisions every day to turn your house into a home. It’s taking stock of yourself and deciding that your own individual kingdom must be destroyed, that there is a new order that must thrive. It doesn’t mean being half a person; it means dismantling your person and rebuilding a kingdom together” (Amanda Wortham, “Ordinary Faithfulness: Jim and Pam’s Quiet Fidelity,” Christ and Pop Culture, February 11, 2016, https://christandpopculture.com/ordinary-faithfulness-jim-and-pams-quietfidelity/).

• Text: Romans 12:10
• Topic(s): Storgē, Familial Affection
• Big Idea of the Message: Saying that Christians are brothers and sisters in Christ and referring to older saints as fathers and mothers in the faith are not just niceties; these are biblical ways of loving one another.
• Application Point: Identify the people in your life with whom you practice storgē. Then identify people who need to be welcomed with the love the church is called to show.
  How can you make them feel part of the family?

Sermon Ideas and Talking Points:

1. Storgē is a Greek term that denotes love between family members: husband and wife, parents and children, brothers and sisters. Dolores Smyth writes that while it “is not found in Scripture, its contrary form is: the word astorgous is used in the Greek translation of Scripture to mean ‘without natural affection,’ as we can see in the King James Version (Romans 1:31 KJV).” This word is translated “heartless” in the ESV. Smyth continues, “Paul warns that during the end-times, people will become so selfish that they will live without any sense of natural affection for their own family (2 Timothy 3:3 KJV)” (Dolores Smyth, “The Four Types of Love in Scripture and How to Experience Them Today,” Crosswalk, April 17, 2020, https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/bible-study/agape-storge-phileo- and-eros-love-in-scripture.html).

2. There are many examples of this sort of love throughout the Scriptures. In the New Testament, we see storgē most strongly among the three siblings Martha, Mary, and Lazarus. Paul writes in Romans 12:10, “Love [philostorgoi] one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor” (Jack Zavada, “What Is Storge?,” Learn Religions, updated December 6, 2018, https://www.learnreligions.com/what-is-storge-love-700698). The website Compelling Truth explains that philostorgos literally means “to love one’s kindred.” The article adds, “Although philostorgos is only used once in the New Testament, God repeats His command that we must love one another because, as believers, we are all part of His family” (“What Is the Meaning of Storge Love?,” Compelling Truth, https://www.compellingtruth.org/storge-love.html).

3. Brotherly affection and the command to love one another in this way has implications for our lives. Loving others with brotherly affection means we cannot turn a blind eye to those with whom we are in relationship, and we cannot simply be exclusive toward one another within the church. In talking about this type of affection between believers within the church, John Piper points out that the commands to brotherly affection “ruin immediately the stoic, Christian notion that we don’t have to like people but we should love them. Of course, it’s true that you can love someone (in one sense) you don’t like. That is, you can do good things for them. You can help them and treat them respectfully, even if coolly. But that is not the kind of love Paul is talking about here” (John Piper, “Love One Another with Brotherly Affection” [sermon, Bethlehem Baptist, Minneapolis, MN, December 12, 2004], https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/love-one-another- with-brotherly-affection).

4. How are we to love our fellow believers with this radical love of kinship? One way is to change our attitude about fellow believers. Other believers within the church are not just “other Christians”; they are your brothers and sisters in Christ. Beginning to think of others as your siblings or spiritual mothers and fathers will begin to change your attitude and heart toward them. Jack Zavada writes, “When we become followers of Jesus Christ, we enter into the family of God. Our lives are bound together by something stronger than physical ties—the bonds of the Spirit. We are related by something more powerful than human blood—the blood of Jesus Christ” (Jack Zavada, “The 4 Types of Love in the Bible,” Gary Miller Ministries, November 3, 2018, https://garymillerministries.com/blogs/2018/11/3/the-4-types-of-love-in-the-bible).

5. The NBC drama This Is Us is a treasure trove of examples of familial affection. Here is one video compilation of some of those moments: https://www.nbc.com/this-is-us/video/memorable-family-moments-this-is- us/4242726. (Note: this clip contains one mild swear word toward the end.)
6. Sometimes familial affection is a challenge—especially when you’re dealing with cantankerous little brothers! In this humorous song featured on Phineas and Ferb, a character sings, “Even when you break my toys, you will always be my / Little brothers, ’cause you’re younger, we’re related, and you’re boys” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EETGwAYoHgU).

7. NEEDTOBREATHE’s song “Brother” depicts the love of literal brothers and brothers in Christ: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61Wm_qlVD4Q.

• Text: John 13:34–35; Romans 12:10
• Topic(s): Philia, Friendship
• Big Idea of the Message: Deep friendship is important for Christians to be able to grow in the faith.
• Application Point: Identify whom in your life you practice philia with; if there is no one you can identify with, pray for good and holy friendships, and be open to God leading you to these new friendships.

Sermon Ideas and Talking Points:

1. Philia closely resembles storgē, but it is different too. Where storgē speaks of familial affection, philia “describes the powerful emotional bond seen in deep friendships” (Jack Zavada, “The 4 Types of Love in the Bible,” Gary Miller Ministries, November 3, 2018, https://garymillerministries.com/blogs/2018/11/3/the-4-types-of-love-in-the-bible).

2. There are a lot of biblical examples of philia for us to draw from. In the Scriptures we see the love Jesus had for his disciples. We can also see this between Paul and Timothy; just read the letters to Timothy, and you can understand the friendship Paul and Timothy experienced. David and Jonathan are examples from the Old Testament. In the wider Christian world, we can see philia being exchanged by friends throughout the centuries: Francis de Sales and Jane de Chantal; John of the Cross and Teresa of Ávila; Francis of Assisi and Clare of Assisi; J. R. R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis—these are all examples of faithful Christians who were not afraid to form deep friendships with fellow Christians.

3. Of course, philia is not without difficulty in today’s world. The culture of the twenty-first-century West sees relationships as more transactional: “How can I benefit from this relationship?” The culture also puts a significant emphasis on
romantic love, to the point where almost all love should turn romantic, and if there is no hope of being romantic, then friendship should be dropped or take a back seat to romantic partners. Commenting on this, Constance T. Hull writes, “The problem with friendship in our culture is twofold. First, we allow our friendships to take on too utilitarian of a nature. Rather than focusing on the love we have for the other person, we often only call on people when we need something. … The second problem, we have placed an inordinate emphasis on eros, or romantic love. … Our culture has convinced us that our spouse can completely fulfill us and be all things to us. This has never been the Christian understanding, which is evidenced by both Sacred Scripture and Church history. No person besides Jesus Christ can be all things to us and completely fulfill us. Our spouse is our first and best friend, but in no way are they meant to be our only friend” (Constance T. Hull, “Seek the Riches of Holy Friendship,” Catholic Exchange, June 7, 2018, https://catholicexchange.com/seek-riches-holy-friendship).

4. Of course, there are definitely benefits to each individual and the community when people pursue genuine philia with each other. In Ephesians 5:18–19, Paul exhorts believers to encourage one another through the Holy Spirit; in Galatians he urges the believers to be source of strength to help friends who are looking to
leave sin behind (Galatians 6:1); the writer of Hebrews says at least twice (Hebrews 3:13; 10:24) that believers should exhort one another, lift one another up out of sin, and encourage one another in good works; furthermore, friends pray for us, acting as intercessors and praying partners for all challenges and celebrations (James 5:16) (Kelly Needham, “4 Purposes of Godly Friendships,” Revive Our Hearts, August 29, 2019, https://www.reviveourhearts.com/true- woman/blog/4-purposes-of-godly-friendships/).

5. We cannot expect to experience philia if we don’t change our hearts and begin practicing it as well. We cannot expect to receive what we are not willing to give; this is how relationships work. Hull writes, “We cannot give to people what we do not ourselves possess. This means that we must be ardently striving to lead lives of holiness through prayer, self-sacrifice, … Scripture, and working to faithfully live out our individual vocations. Holy friendship is fruitful because it comes from selfless love. Christ Himself is our example on the Cross where He pours out every ounce of His blood in loving obedience to the Father and for our sake” (Hull, “Holy Friendship”).

6. A deep philia friendship can be found in the friendship between Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee the movie The Lord of the Rings. Sam was faithful to Frodo throughout the entirety of their adventure, even when there were times when Frodo betrayed Sam along the road. Sam never gives up on Frodo but encourages him, carries him, and makes sure he gets to his destination safely and can complete his quest to destroy the One Ring.

7. Leslie Knope (NBC’s Parks and Rec) is an example of a devoted, committed, “all-in” kind of friend: https://screenrant.com/parks-and-recreation-leslie-memes- amazing-friend/.

• Text: John 3:16, 1 Timothy 1:11, 15–16
• Topic(s): Agapē, Self-Sacrifice
• Big Idea of the Message: Agapē is at the very heart of the gospel; without this love, the other three loves would not have their being.
• Application Point: Begin a habit of praising God for his abundant and beautiful love.

Sermon Ideas and Talking Points:

1. Agapē is the highest of all loves from the ancient world. Ken Boa refers to it as “divine love” and “the steady intention of the will to another’s highest
good. … This love is characterized by unselfishness and giving, even to the point of sacrifice. It’s an unconditional love that doesn’t judge based on performance.” First John 4:19 says, “We love because he first loved us.” This shows us that God is the ultimate source and perfection of agapē (Ken Boa, “The Five Loves— And the Greatest of These Is Agapē” [blog], February 14, 2018, https://kenboa.org/living-out-your-faith/five-loves-greatest-agape/).

2. This is not an easy love for people to practice. Because of our sinful nature, we tend toward selfishness, even though we know better. Thomas Merton describes it like this: “Love not only prefers the good of another to my own, but it does not even compare the two. It has only one good, that of the beloved. … To love another is to will what is really good for him” (Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island [New York: Harcourt, 1955], 4–5).

3. If God loves someone, then our response is to also love them. Galatians 5:14 reads, “For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” If we are unwilling to agapē love another person who is made in the image of God, then how can we expect to truthfully and wholeheartedly love God?

4. This agapē love of God’s can be found smack dab in the gospel. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world…” You know how the rest goes. It was that agapē love that drove God to send Jesus. It was that agapē love in the garden of Gethsemane when Jesus said, “Not my will but yours be done.” It was the agapē love of the entire Trinity that tore down the gates of hell and brought Jesus back to life. Paul even tells Timothy all this, writing, “The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners” (1 Timothy 1:15) (W. Robert Godfrey, “What Does the Gospel Mean?,” Ligonier Ministries, April 12, 2019, https://www.ligonier.org/blog/what-gospel/).

5. When we practice agapē love, with all the ups and down and conflicts that arise within our messy, everyday lives, Ken Boa says, “the basis and pattern” for our unconditional love and forgiveness toward others should be God’s agapē love and forgiveness toward us. When we love like this, “Agapē transforms relationships, because even if it’s not reciprocated, it doesn’t destroy us. We can still love even when we’re hurt or wronged. … It’s a love that is not merely theoretical but is expressed in action” (Boa, “Five Loves”)

6. An excellent example of agapē love from literature is found in Aslan’s sacrifice in
C. S. Lewis’s The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, where Aslan takes the place of Edmund Pevensie even though Edmund deserved to die

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